Training is a vital part of every child’s life. From household chores to academic testing, there are multiple ways we train boys and girls for their life to come. Training helps children not only with their overall development, but also with their ultimate success in whatever action or activity is being practiced.
When it comes to a third culture kid (TCK), training and preparation should play a major role in the early processes of a family moving overseas. Why? Because preparing TCKs for a new place and culture will not only alleviate potential fears of the unknown, but it will also invite the child into the process of the “big move” and help them know that they, too, are part of the mission. And while training and preparation in this type of context may seem like a giant task, the process of training a TCK to “go” really comes down to three common interactions: conversation, education, and immersion.
Preparing TCKs for a new place and culture will alleviate potential fears and help them know that they, too, are part of the mission.
Conversation
Have multiple conversations with TCKs, in age-appropriate ways, about what is going to happen and how. Share the reasons why the family will be making the move and explain that the process will involve some changes and uncertainties. Be as open and honest as you can be with the TCK, but also be protective of any situations that may cause fear. Be detailed in conversations so TCKs have comfortability with the process of leaving home and going to a new place. Be emotive in conversations so TCKs sense both the (healthy) anticipation and excitement of the impending adventure. If you are the parent of the TCK, share your thoughts and feelings (happy and/or hard) about the upcoming changes so the child knows similar thoughts and feelings they might have are okay and expected.
Remember that conversation is not one-way communication and allow opportunities for the TCK to speak and express themselves. Make it a priority to listen intently and without reservation so that you can hear the child clearly. Be prepared for copious questions—they’re children, after all! If you have answers, great, but it’s also okay not to have all the answers. “I don’t know” is a perfectly fine response, and if you’re the parent, admitting your ignorance helps the child realize that you are stepping into the unknown alongside them.
Education
Because teaching and learning literally open the world to children, education can be used to a TCKs advantage. For a visual approach, look online or take TCKs to the library to find books (picture, travel, children’s books) of the new area where the family will be living. Point out similarities and differences in the pictures they see. Find age-appropriate videos for TCKs so they can see action and movement in both nature and amongst the people in their future home. Use technology such as an interactive online map (e.g., Google Earth) or virtual reality headsets to help TCKs explore, in real time, the area they will interact with soon.
Never underestimate the influence of people when it comes to education. Introducing them to someone who is from another country or who has lived in or been to one can be extremely helpful to a TCK. This person can share first-hand what it is like being overseas, and they can describe details one would never find in a book or video, show actual objects or clothing from the area, and explain aspects of the culture one wouldn’t know unless they lived there. Face-to-face meetings are fantastic, but that is not always feasible. Thanks to technology, however, you can easily provide an introduction through a video call.
Immersion
Hearing about and seeing aspects of their new place and culture will certainly be helpful to a TCK, but if it is at all possible to somehow immerse, especially as a family, into the culture before you move, it will have a huge impact. Immersion has the potential to open each of the TCK’s senses while they are still in the comfort of their current home. It gives them a small glimpse into what their life could look like in a few weeks or months and can help alleviate some unknowns about things that are hard to know unless you’re there (such as sounds, smells, taste, touch, etc.).
A TCK who is prepared for their future has the potential to be more accepting of and engaged in the many changes that will happen upon arrival in their new home.
There are multiple ways to immerse into a different culture while still being in a familiar space. From restaurants to cultural events, urban Western cities, especially, have numerous immersive ways for a TCK and their family to experience the sights, sounds, and tastes of a different culture. For a more formal immersive experience, a family could visit the home of someone from a specific culture. Not only will the sights and tastes of someone’s home be an indicator of a possible future, but TCKs and their family can also experience customs and lifestyles of a particular culture. Lastly, and if at all possible, allowing the TCK an opportunity to visit the new country before officially moving is a superb way for them to be immersed. Obviously, this cannot always happen due to the cost, visas, and/or timing, but if they are able to make a visit, they will gain important and valuable insight from spending an extended period of time in the place they will be living.
A TCK who is prepared for their future has the potential to be more accepting of and engaged in the many changes that will happen upon arrival in their new home. Preparation and training, especially in the ways listed above, will not only give them possible answers to the many questions they have running through their mind, but it will also give them understanding and a sense of ownership into the family’s ultimate outlook and goals in their new home. The experiences and lessons learned as a TCK are incredibly invaluable and unique, so let’s make an effort to prepare future TCKs for their amazing life to come!
Previously a TCK in East Asia, Allison Young grew up with a passion for missions education, especially to children. She had the privilege of engaging children in missions education from 2012 to 2023 throughout the state of Tennessee, and she currently serves as the Children’s Missions & Disciple-Making Associate at Johnson Ferry Baptist Church in Marietta, Georgia, where she has the blessing of influencing children and their families to pray, give, and go, as well as speak into TCK care for the church’s sent ones.
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